I had reason to celebrate last week: An MRT station to be opened in front of Hwa Chong Institution will be named after the school's founder, Tan Kah Kee.
Hurray! This is excellent news, although perhaps not for the reason you think.
While I did go to Hwa Chong, I must confess that it was not until last week that I discovered he was the founder. It is my fault. Someone must have told me but I forgot. I always make a point to forget everything I learnt in school immediately after the examinations.
A wise man once said those who fail to forget what they have learnt - such as university professors - are condemned never to leave school. (I have forgotten who said this, must have learnt it in school.)
So while I am happy that the school is being honoured, I cannot honestly say that is the primary reason for my joy. I am also not directly related to the Tan family and I am unlikely to use that train station very often, so those are not the reasons either.
I am ashamed to admit the actual reason is a rather selfish one. The way I see it, having a Tan Kah Kee station will pave the way for me to fulfil my own dream: to have a Jeremy Au Yong station.
To be honest, I am not that hard up for a station named after me. What I really want is for someone to say my name daily over the public address system. "The next train terminates at Jeremy Au Yong," or something like that.
But I guess the two things are related. Anyway, as the years passed with me no closer to my dream, I began to lose hope. It seemed to me that train stations simply were not named after people, no matter how great a person might be.
Every train station I have ever seen, here or overseas, appeared to follow some dumb convention of taking on the name of its location.
It is as if the authorities wanted people to be able to tell instantly where a station was just by looking at its name. Now, where is the fun in that? Don't we already have those helpful line maps for that? I think the new Singapore system is way better.
The names of our train stations can now carry a looser link to the actual location.
For instance, while it is still possible to derive the location of the Tan Kah Kee station from its name, not many people have the historical knowledge required.
I am hoping this means that the Land Transport Authority's criteria has some wiggle room. LTA has specified that the name should identify the station's location readily and also have a link to the heritage of the neighbourhood.
Also, the stations should not be named after public structures or commercial and residential developments.
I am sure I can make a fair case for most names. I live in Ang Mo Kio and therefore could reasonably argue that I have a link to the heritage of the neighbourhood, in case anyone should (hint, hint) want to consider naming the station after me. If you have another station in mind, I am willing to move. I am not fussy.
But of course, naming stations after individuals is just the beginning. Tan Kah Kee station has opened the door to endless possibilities. Here are some, just off the top of my head.
Possibility #1: Glamorous cities Naming MRT stations after famous global cities would immediately add a touch of glitz to seemingly every-day conversations. "My new apartment is in a great location, just a stone's throw away from Milan," a home owner might say, even though his said apartment is in Sengkang, a stone's throw away from Punggol.
Imagine what that would do to property prices.
Well, nothing, because people are not dumb enough to believe his house is not ulu but it would still be quite cool to say.
Possibility #2: Aspirational goals Imagine if the MRT station near your office was named "A Better Life".
Imagine it is a Monday, you forlornly drag yourself out of bed, curse the world, get ready for work and squeeze onto the platform with the rest of the rush-hour crowd. Then you hear this voice on the public address system: "The train on Platform A is heading towards A Better Life".
Wouldn't that perk you right up? No? Then you are a bigger cynic than I thought.
Possibility #3: Abstract ideology This sort of naming has the potential to convert a simple train ride into an enriching philosophical journey. A simple trip to go shopping could become a deeply symbolic odyssey between "Communism" and "Capitalism" via "Democracy". And speaking of capitalism brings me to...
Possibility #4: Corporate sponsors I think selling naming rights to corporate sponsors would be an excellent way to raise additional funds and keep fares low.
I am sure no one would mind boarding a train at Yun Nam Hair Care or Marie France Bodyline if it meant a cheaper ride.
So there you go, if all goes well, we will one day be able to buy a cheap ticket at Communism, enjoy the view as we pass Democracy, change trains in Milan, zoom past Yun Nam Hair Care, stop at Capitalism to buy a drink before finally reaching A Better Life.
And, if all goes really well, the train would then terminate at Jeremy Au Yong.
